It's been a while. Every time I say that I sing the lyrics of the song by Staind. Anyone else have that disease, where every phrase you hear or say is from lyrics to a song? Just me? Ok. Well, it HAS been a while since I've blogged. Over a year, in fact. Life is moving at the pace of a cheetah on steroids. I am having a hard time slowing down. I'm having a hard time LIVING my life the way I want to live it. I'm gonna dive in deep real quick here, so put your scuba gear on. I am just having a hard time. I know I'm not the only one. I don't think we have realized how much the past two years has affected us. For me, I am not depressed or in an obvious downward spiral or anything, I'm just scattered, unfocused, and anxious.
I have had several anxiety attacks in my adult life. I never had one until 2017. I had no idea what was happening and actually called an ambulance because I couldn't breathe and I was pregnant. After they checked me out and nothing was wrong, I felt so dumb for having called them, but a few months later I had another attack and that's when I realized what it was. My thoughts were out of control, thinking and worrying about things that were BEYOND my control. Social Media is a major source of anxiety for me, yet I still find myself completely engrossed in it's contents, scrolling until my thumb is tired and my hands are falling asleep. More anxiety. "She looks perfect! Why can't I have abs like that? Oh yeah, I've had 4 children and gained 50 lbs." You would think that would motivate me to eat healthy and get off my phone and workout. Nope. More anxiety and add on some stress eating. Endless cycle. What are we doing to ourselves?
I get a lot done and I'm definitely not lazy, but I don't feel accomplished or in control of my day. I feel like my day is shoving me around and my feet are never steady. I'm just tripping into the next thing with no stability.
I'm pouring this out to you today because I'm in the middle of this. Trying to get myself on solid ground again. I saw a post by Blake Lively a couple of years ago and she had posted a picture of herself with her trainer about 9 months after having her baby. She was all whipped back into shape, but talked about the struggle it was to get the baby weight off and how it took her a full 9 months. I would have liked to have seen her struggle THROUGH that! I don't want the perfect picture at the end, show me the morning you were tired, but got up anyway and went to the gym. Show me your flabby arms and pooched stomach while you are doing your pushups. Seeing only the end result isn't motivating, it's overwhelming.
I want to talk to you now, while I'm figuring it out, so we can figure it out together. Then we can celebrate our victories along the way.
Here are a couple of goals (not in a specific order) I have this week to get myself back in the driver's seat of my day, my mind, my heart, and my life!
Planning - I love to plan, but I haven't used my planner in months. I'm getting out and planning my week, my days, and each hour tentatively.
Social Media breaks - I am turning off social media for MOST of my day. I will have a designated time for it and I will stick to that.
Start small and make your goals measurable. I hope this helps you today and I hope that I can be transparent enough to encourage you and not overwhelm you. We got this! Let's pop this struggle bubble!!
Lean in to Life. It’s messy, but beautiful.
Much love,
LB