Entry 005: Heart Flow
I’m on an airplane headed back home to my babies and listening to my favorite worship album right now: Dwell by David and Nicole Binion. I’ve been out on the Holy Roar (Chris Tomlin) tour with Tauren for a few days and have had an amazing time! I have a lot on my heart and maybe I’m just writing it out for me, but maybe it can help someone.
I’ve been working on a post about loving yourself and I just can’t seem to pull it together. I decided to quit thinking about it so hard and just tell you how I’m feeling and what God is teaching me. The premise is that loving yourself can be a trap. We struggle with insecurity or we get hurt by someone and the instinct is to build walls and disguise it as “self esteem” or “self-love”. We post a lot of great quotes about how we need to love ourselves and how amazing we are and how we don’t need anyone to fulfill us except ourselves. This is opposed to the Bible. It doesn’t say anything about loving ourselves, in fact the Bible says it’s natural for us to care for ourselves. What doesnt come naturally is focusing our attention on others. I’m not saying we should let people abuse us or we should be beat down, I’m saying how we can become whole and confident is not through talking a big talk on Instagram or posting our latest filtered selfie of our best angles. It’s actually through a relationship with God. Serving God and serving others.
I struggle greatly with insecurities. My husband is a sweet and intuitive man and has identified when I need some encouragement. He once told me, “Don’t compare yourself to other women, it’s not fair to them.” Super sweet right?! I’ve not forgotten that. It’s never fair to anyone to compare yourself. So I’m telling you “quit comparing yourself to others, it’s not fair to them!” Nobody can be you and you can’t be someone else. The things you bring to the kingdom table are unique and the devil would love to paralyze those qualities by making you think you need to be like someone else. There’s something that only you have that is a remedy for some problem in the world. If you don’t solve that problem it will never be solved. That person may never feel loved. That co-worker may never know God. That child may never fulfill their potential. You have a special gift in you. Don’t get distracted by trying to be someone else.
God is teaching me so much right now. It’s painful at times, but I will not shy away from the pruning in my life. I will press into it because I long for deeper relationship with God and I long to be whole so I can do what God has called me to do.
This post may not have flowed perfectly, but it’s what is on my heart this morning. I hope you are encouraged and have some clarity on how to get out of the “loving yourself” trap. You don’t need to over compensate for your insecurities by seeking affirmation from social media or talking a big talk about not needing anyone. Go to the One who knows you fully and loves you truly. Serve other people. Uplift others and compliment their strengths!
Lean in to Life. It’s messy, but beautiful.